Track down your dream geek-mate with these surefire tips.

  1. Shaky hands
    The less bandwidth an Alpha Geek has, the more they shake. If you see one on the street far from a T3 line, you'll be able to tell.

  2. Pouches
    Alpha Geeks are dying for digital convergence, but even with a Treo, their gadgets take up room: organizer, handheld, wireless modem, copy of The Joy of Linux. Look for the trademark gadget bulge.

  3. References
    Alpha Geeks thrive on pop culture and will invariably reference or quote from favored sources: "Monty Python," John Hughes movies, cartoons of their youth, and witty coding quips like, "I'll dev/null that."

  4. Size matters
    Expect Alpha Geeks to have 160GB drives, video cards that haven't even been announced yet, and, most impressively, twin 30-inch monitors -- if they're into that sort of thing.

  5. Ask an Alpha Geek anything
    Compelled by their nature, Alpha Geeks will explain the subject, in detail, provide fast, concrete answers, talk about the theory behind the question, and then finish it all off -- after three or four references to the Knights who say "Ni!" -- with a link from Slashdot proving that somebody is doing it faster in Norway with an overclocked AMD chip at 3 GHz. They just can't resist.


Send us your signs
What else makes an Alpha Geek? Share your tech culture criteria in the Talkback section below.

Mike Daisey is the mad playwright and performer behind 21 Dog Years: Doing Time @ Amazon.com.
Mike's book will be available from Amazon in June. You can preorder it now.